I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
