Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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