Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
