omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
