puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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