I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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