RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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