Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
