I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
