he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
