Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
