Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
