before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
