bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize