Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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