At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
