this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize