The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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