ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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