Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
