I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
