The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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