Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
