I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
