Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
