So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
