yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
