How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
