I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
