i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
