She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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