If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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