He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
