I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
