All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
