Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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