My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
