guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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