Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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