i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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