her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
