That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
