Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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