when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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