If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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