He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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