the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize