we're chasing vodka with high fives
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
