so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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