it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
