4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
