i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
