Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
