if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
