now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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