Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize