I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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