Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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