Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
your penis
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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