Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
