People in love make me want to vomit
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
