grandma shit on top of the toilet
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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