She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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