dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
