I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
