FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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