My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
