I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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