A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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