Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
im six kinds of drunk right now
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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