He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
