Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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