He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
