I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
