don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
