a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
