I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
