So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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