ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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