So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
