New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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