it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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