Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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