Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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