Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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