hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
