i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
