The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
