She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
