I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
