I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
