Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
