How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize