so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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