he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
