i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
