I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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