from now on my penis is your penis
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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