You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
