just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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