What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
