It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
