well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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