U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
