I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
