i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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