you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
