i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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