my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
