So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
